Breast Cancer

I remember when I found the lump six years ago this week.  I wasn't worried because I thought it was nothing to be worried about.  I'd felt a small squishy lump back in January of that year and my doctor wasn't concerned...said it was just my 'cystic breasts' (that should have been a tip off...I'd never had cysts before).  Then when the diagnoses came in the middle of July of '04 that it was metastatic breast cancer I was in so much shock that I made all of the appointments in an autonomic haze.  The surgeon, the plastic surgeon, the oncologist...I did everything by the book so when the plastic surgeon was positive that I would look better than I already did, I totally believed him.

Today, someone asked me on Facebook about reconstructive surgery after breast cancer.  Here is my reply to her and really it is to all women who read this.  "I tried for reconstruction myself but the silicon sac they implanted before I was closed up after surgery failed to inflate. My body formed a thick coat of scar tissue around it so now I have a worse scar than someone having a radical mastectomy...the skin just covers the bone :(

BUT...I wear my scar proudly and usually don't wear a prosthetic unless it's a formal event or I'm going to be with someone I know will be bothered by my 'deformity'. The way I look at it, God wants me to be this way and if walking around with a single boob makes some woman gasp and think..."OMG I hope that never happens to me and then goes and gets a mammogram" then my mission continues to be successful :)"

Authenticity

Taking Kelly Rae Robert's e-course has changed the course of my life.  I've been hiding behind fancy names and cute nicknames for the 12 years I've been on the net.  Now it's time to be me.  No one can do that better than I can.  So introducing for the first time....Carolyn Sadowski aka Carolyn, a Jersey Girl.
In the near future I hope to be able to offer you glimpses into my creative process.  Where I work, how I work, what I'm working on at the moment.  I hope you'll enjoy my journey back to me.  I've been away for a very long time.  Mostly from fear of not being perfect or good enough to 'put myself' out there.  I've undersold my work for so many years I don't know if I have the 'guts' to start charging what I'm really worth.  When I first started painting back in 1975 my cheapest price was $35.  Because of a multitude of reasons I've never received more than $20 for a piece that I've created since 1995.  Fifteen years of being afraid of charging fair market value for my work has caused a LOT of angst.  I've learned to stuff it down and tell myself that someday I'll be good enough to charge what the work is really worth.

How strange that when I first 'burst' on the scene I charged from $35 to $350 for my small and medium sized pieces but have never had the 'nerve' to charge that on the net.  Probably because I've 'needed' the money more than ever and I'm afraid that if the prices are too high they'll go somewhere else to find it.  But there is only one me and I take my work very, very seriously.  I'll be sharing some of that process with you over the next few weeks.  I hope you'll enjoy the time you'll spend here!  Comments are ALWAYS encouraged!