I remember when I found the lump six years ago this week. I wasn't worried because I thought it was nothing to be worried about. I'd felt a small squishy lump back in January of that year and my doctor wasn't concerned...said it was just my 'cystic breasts' (that should have been a tip off...I'd never had cysts before). Then when the diagnoses came in the middle of July of '04 that it was metastatic breast cancer I was in so much shock that I made all of the appointments in an autonomic haze. The surgeon, the plastic surgeon, the oncologist...I did everything by the book so when the plastic surgeon was positive that I would look better than I already did, I totally believed him.
Today, someone asked me on Facebook about reconstructive surgery after breast cancer. Here is my reply to her and really it is to all women who read this. "I tried for reconstruction myself but the silicon sac they implanted before I was closed up after surgery failed to inflate. My body formed a thick coat of scar tissue around it so now I have a worse scar than someone having a radical mastectomy...the skin just covers the bone :(
BUT...I wear my scar proudly and usually don't wear a prosthetic unless it's a formal event or I'm going to be with someone I know will be bothered by my 'deformity'. The way I look at it, God wants me to be this way and if walking around with a single boob makes some woman gasp and think..."OMG I hope that never happens to me and then goes and gets a mammogram" then my mission continues to be successful :)"
Here I am follower number one!! Thankyou for your brave start. Both of your posts have touched me. Your openness and honesty about breast cancer has reached me in a way millions of dollars of awareness campaigns have not. I wish you strength as you journey towards truly valuing your own work and I shall be here cheering on the sidelines as you learn to fly.
ReplyDeleteHi Carolyn, I'm so sorry that you had a bad experience with reconstructive surgery (wait - I should preface that with I'm so sorry you even had to experience breast cancer). I'm a physical therapist, and I used to do quite a bit of work with post mastectomy patients and with lymphedema from all types of cancer where lymph nodes were involved. We have two fantastic plastic surgeons here in Seattle who have done some amazing reconstructive work - both would have told you to stay away from silicone because it has a 96% chance of significant scarring (encapsulation type which causes the deformity). I hesitate to tell you that, but I think you deserve to know what went wrong and why in the hopes that it might, in some small way, provide you with come closure on this trauma.
ReplyDeleteThere is hope if and when you even want to work on freeing up the scar tissue. There is a type of massage therapy I used called ASTYM. It is NOT comfortable - but it is effective and fast and softening scar tissue - even the really hard radiated tissue that adheres to the bone. Let me know if you want help finding a good practitioner in your area. Personally - I always love it when women wear there battle scars proudly! I'm so impressed by that! I've also seen some beautiful art work tatooed on scar tissue too. Blessings and continued clean exams!
Dear Carolyn,
ReplyDeleteAs I visited the flying comments just now, probably for the last time, I caught your message and felt drawn to pop over and visit your link.
I was amazed to see the pale pink and words breast cancer staring me in the face... you see, just this morning I went and had my first mammogram... it's a precautionary check-up, no lumps that I know of, but gee it was powerful the thoughts that ran through my mind as I thought of all the other women who have been there before me and those who will come after... and like you... have a whole big scary experience of breast cancer...
I also want to give you a 'high five' and well wishes to go for it on your artwork, and find a way to value your offerings without guilt attached. It's a very challenging thing sometimes, to be selling our own creations. I'll be re-reading all the valued advice and lessons from KRR's course.
Take care,
love Denise x